


Nothing Left To Give

by Werecakes



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Elves, F/M, Fíli Feels, Hurt, M/M, Sad, because Kili didn't think Fili was his one, good god this is a train wreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 12:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werecakes/pseuds/Werecakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili has always loved Kili, cherished him and never though things would change. That was until they entered Mirkwood and Tauriel came into the picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I had given you everything

He had loved the kisses stolen away from prying eyes. Enjoyed the caresses of deepest compassion that two living creatures could share to the point there was no word beyond one that could describe it; love. He loved him. He had loved his brother for so long, always caring for him, giving everything for him. His home, his crown, smiles, kisses, virginity and heart. He was solid in his resolution that they would always be together, that nothing could pull them apart.

Then she came. She was there, slicing the bond that kept him so warm and safe within Kili’s arms. Suddenly his brother’s words were not for him. His touches were stolen away to be placed to another. It stung like a thousand bees, the stingers in his heart festered and rotted as he watched his brother turn love filled eyes to an elf… an elf… And those eyes ceased to look at him the same. But still, he loved him. He cherished him. So he smiled through the pain and gave and gave. His support, his care, all the while his heart bled with each mention of the she-elf that Kili pined for.

They began to sleep apart from each other, placing Fili into nights of staring up at darkness while all the others slept soundly.

One night Kili came back to him, kissing and caressing and Fili greedily ate up the affection. His heart fluttering in the hope that Kili had returned to him that they would be one once again. Kili felt good inside of him, the sensation almost forgotten to his body. He called his brother’s name only to have Kili say, “Tauriel.” Kili did not know he said it, or acted as if he did not know. Needless to say Fili would not let Kili touch him afterwards, only curled in on himself, for the first time feeling dirty after their coupling.

It was after the others went ahead of them that Kili cornered Fili.

"What is wrong? You have not spoken to me since… since the last time we were together." Kili had the audacity to look bashful and shy.

"I am not sure what you mean, I have spoken to you many times." Fili said as he looked out a window.

"I mean… we haven’t **talked** , at least not like we used to.”

"I do not have the time now to speak of nonsensical things." Fili only continued to look out the window.

Kili shifted, sighing. He reached forward, running his fingers through soft spun gold. Fili’s hair warm and inviting, something he had always favorited. His brother suddenly whirled on him, backing away with eyes of suspicion as if he was certain Kili would lay a great harm upon him. And that hurt.

"Fili, what did I do to you? Why are you acting like this?"

Then something snapped in the gentleness in Fili’s heart. “If you wish to caress something go back to that accursed forest and fuck your tree shagging she-elf!!”

"Do not talk about her that way!" Kili moved forward only to have Fili move back and to the side, refusing to be trapped against a wall. "Is this why you have shut me out? Because of petty jealousy?!"

"Pe- you dare to accuse me of petty actions?! It was not me that called someone else’s name while being bedded by my One!!"

Kili’s eyes grew wide either in the realization that he had said Tauriel’s name in the throws of passion or that Fili actually proclaimed him to be his One. He felt at a bypass. He did not know what to do as thought ran from him and he could not focus the raging questions that flew up. Instead he reached out trying to touch Fili, whispering his name with fondness. Only to have Fili slap his hand away and bare his teeth.

"I have given you **everything** I had to give to the point I am nothing!” He surged forward with a growl making the archer stumble back a step. “And by Mahal’s name I will not take another and wound you the same as you have me, but I will not permit you to treat me as if you had done me no wrong.”

"W-what are you saying?"

"Do not touch me again." He backed away showing the raw pain he had been hiding for so long. "I am not your whore."

Kili gaped at him. Fili left before he could find motion, before he could find words, sequestering himself in a room. He sat against the door so that Kili could not push it open, and there he broke. Hot tears spilled down his face. He thumped the back of his head against the door as he tried feebly for it to stop, but a wail of anguish pressed through clenched teeth. And as he sobbed, he was unaware of Kili on the other side of the door. Knelt in front of the wood, palms pressed flat with his forehead against it trying to get as close as he could whispering apology after apology that the other would never hear.


	2. Empty Inside

He tried to leave Fili alone, let him have his desired space so that he could heal his heart. He tried to keep his eyes from wondering from the floor to the blond hair he once could touch so freely. He tried and tried so hard not to look his brother in the eye, but he did, he did all of it. He invaded Fili's space like an apologetic dog crawling on his belly in hopes his master would forgive him. He would gaze at Fili's hair and how the wind would blow wavy locks as they went on their way to meet up with their uncle in Erebor. They no longer slept on the same side of the campfire, they spoke less and less and all of it hurt. But the knife that would stab him in the gut was the fake smile Fili would wear. But his damnation was the once crystalline kingdom of Fili's soul, bright and brilliant showing through his beautiful eyes, now dark and burned. The once glorious golden prince was ruined far beyond the desolation of a dragon. 

He had to come to the realization that Fili had meant his words. He believed Kili was his One, his soul mate, never once doubting for a moment that Kili would find someone else and move out from under the thatched roof of love and loyalty that sheltered them and kept them strong against the world. And... if it had not been for Mirkwood, would he have ever looked to someone else? Would he have ever thought to create a bound with another outside of his brother?

No. He would not have.

Soon he noticed another thing. Fili was sleeping more, he slept and slept until forced to get up only to yawn the rest of the day and often fell asleep without a meal. And even though he slept so long he was fitful as if chased by demons across the dreamscape that was once painted with lovely memories and thoughts of bright futures. 

It was when they were walking through the craggy rocks of Erebor's ruin that Fili spoke for the first time in days. "I wonder what it would have been like."

Like a scrap of food thrown to a starving beggar, Kili lunged for the conversation, anything to ease the darkness that was pulling on his legs, making every step heavier. "I think it would have been glorious. Erect with pride, stones shining in the light of the sun, surrounded by green grass. And dwarves," He pulled a smile looking to his brother. "Lots of us, just running about doing whatever we wanted." 

"That would have been nice."

"We will make it that way again."

Fili shook his head. "No, we shall not."

Kili's smile fell. "Why do you say that?"

"Because there you and I are no longer 'we'." Fili sniffed bringing his sleeve up to his nose and rubbed a little.

"Fili, what the are you talking about?" Kili frowned.

"I know you." The golden prince continued on his way, down the hill of rocks, they were almost there. "You will leave for your she-elf."

"You do not know that!"

"I do."

Kili ran up behind Fili, he grabbed his arm, yanking him. But Fili pushed him back, the rock under his foot rocked from the movement, dislodging. Then he was falling, body bouncing and scraping against stone and wood from the destroyed town of Dale. A thick nail from a chard beam struck into his body, puncturing through his back, tearing an inch to the side as the wood it was attached to broke and Fili continued his decent. Finally, he rolled to a stop.

Kili screamed, he ran down as quickly as he could, stones tumbling down in his wake. His heart hammered so hard it was in his throat preventing him from breathing. Still he managed to yell his brother's name. He fell to his knees, seeing the crimson leeching across cloth. Fili's body shook as he choked a hand over her side, his fingers trying to pull at the nail and broken wood from his back. Kili grabbed at Fili's hands. His brother's scream ended in a squeak, his voice high from the pain.

"I know, I know, darling," Kili spoke without thought, his voice low with worry. "Let me see."

The gouged wound now seeped to the stones under them. His voice came out in a panicked laugh, "Oh gods."

He moved Fili, slipping an arm under his legs and trying to grip him around the pack he wore on his back. Fili's hand was on his shoulder, the other to his chest, pushing as sounds of pain came with every breath. Kili grabbed one of Fili's arms in an effort to make him stop. "I need to lift you, I need to take you to Oin."

The sounds stopped. Kili felt his brother's body relax. He looked to Fili's face, pale with eyes open to the cloudy sky, a few last tears running down perfect cheeks. "F-f..." He touched Fili's cheek. He clutched the prince to his chest, pressing their foreheads together as he rocked. "D-don't do this to me, Fili. Don't..." He felt his own tears fall in large beads onto his brother's face. "Y-you were my One, you're supposed to stay by me... you... Fi-!!" 

Sharp pain punctured his heart, ripping it open. His whole body trembled as he screamed, pressing his forehead tighter against Fili's. 

What had he done?


End file.
